June 23, 2010
Every Wednesday I offer tips for adulthood.
Last week, I gave you five reasons to be optimistic about middle age. In brief: you’ll live longer, your brain will keep developing, you’ll be happier, your divorce may not be all that bad, and you’ll make loads of new friends on the AARP Facebook page.
But in addition to being an optimist, I’m also a realist. As promised, then, here are five reasons to be pessimistic about middle age:
1. Social services can’t keep up with aging population. Yes, people are living longer. That’s the good news. But the general aging of the population will also place enormous burdens on social services, including health care delivery, informal care-giving and the pension system. So a lot will hinge on just how healthy this new crop of centenarians is. About 80 percent of seniors have at least one chronic health condition and 50 percent have at least two. In theory, the health care reform bill passed last year in America should help address some of these problems. But some experts warn that our public policies – including health care reform – just aren’t up to the task of ensuring that our aging population gets the medical care it needs. In the worst case scenario – not only in the U.S. but in other countries as well – the old and the young will enter into a zero-sum conflict, fighting for scarce health care and economic resources.
2.
Suicide rates are up among middle-aged Americans. Alongside all the research discussed last week showing that happiness peaks at 50, a curious and sobering counter-trend has also emerged: For the second year in a row,
middle-aged adults have registered the highest suicide rate in the United States, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A variety of hypotheses have been tossed out to explain this trend, including easier access to guns and prescription drugs as well as higher rates of depression among boomers. One
sociologist at Berkeley speculates that it’s a combination of having grown up during an era of cultural turmoil (the 60′s), together with greater competition for resources (due to baby boom) as well as the stresses induced by an
extended period of young adulthood. Whatever the cause, it’s certainly nothing to be cheery about.
3. Midlife Crises Cost More. I noted last week that with the advent of a happy middle age, there may be fewer midlife crises. But for those boomers out there still looking for Plan B, it’s gonna cost them. According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, mid-life crises – whether it’s traveling the world, playing the stock market or starting one’s own business (I’ll grant you, these are a bit tamer than some crises one might imagine!) – have all gotten quite a good deal more expensive in the last few years. Add that to a general unease in this age bracket about market volatility and you’ve got a recipe for widespread economic anxiety at middle age.
4. You’re more like to get an STD. So…late divorce isn’t so bad after all, as we learned last week. But sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are actually more of a problem for middle-aged populations right now than they are among the young (at least in the United States.) The highest number of newly acquired cases of HIV/AIDS have been found in middle-aged adults, ages 35 to 44. Next highest age group? Ages 45 to 54. The least affected group is the youngest group between the ages of 25 to 34. Some of this is because women over 50 – no longer afraid of getting pregnant – cease using condoms. So if you are planning on getting back out there with your new-found freedom, by all means come prepared.
5. Who wants to multi-task? One of my favorite cantankerous chroniclers of middle age is Howard Baldwin over on Middle Age Cranky. In a recent post, Baldwin wonders who really wants to learn that as we age, our brains actually improve their ability to problem solve and multi-task? Doesn’t that just mean that boomers will have fewer excuses available to them when they want to plea a senior moment? Just sayin’…
Image: condom display by vista vision via flickr under a Creative Commons license.
5 Comments | 
Aging Ungracefully, Health and Beauty, Lifestyle, Tips List, Trends/Studies/Research | Tagged: STDs, boomers, middle-age cranky, midlife crisis, multi-tasking, middle aged brain, Howard Baldwin, senior moments, sexually transmitted diseases, STDs and middle age, HIV/AIDS and middle age, condom use in women over 50, cost of midlife crisis, market volatility, market volatility and middle age, suicide rates among middle aged americans, suicide and middle age, social services for an aging population, health care reform and the elderly, centenarians, chronic health conditions, seniors' chronic health conditions, taking care of the elderly | 
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Posted by delialloyd
June 16, 2010
Every Wednesday I offer tips for adulthood.
This week’s list is inspired by a barrage of recent scientific studies offering good news about middle age.
Middle age has long been conceptualized as that phase of life where we cease thinking about our potential as human beings, and start focusing on our limitations. No more. While not everything looks rosy (stay tuned for next week’s tip list), there are at least a few trends out there that do bode well for those of us hovering at the mid-point of our lives.
Here are five reasons to feel optimistic:
1. People are living longer. According to scientists, more people than ever before are living to older adulthood. In the U.S., the average lifespan has risen 30 years since 1900. And today’s older adults are better-educated, healthier, more active and more affluent than any previous generation. Plus, as I pointed out last week, the labor market is becoming more diverse and there will be more jobs for the over-55 set. So there’s lots more time – and more to do.
2. Our brains keep evolving. New research also shows that – contrary to the long-held view that our brains get fixed in early childhood – circuits in the adult brain are, in fact, continually modified by experience. The result? In some respects, we actually think better in middle age. Specifically, inductive reasoning and problem solving improves in the middle-aged brain. We get the gist of an argument better. We arrive at solutions more quickly. Even financial judgments peak in middle age.
3. People are happier over 50. This is also both surprising and welcome news. A survey of more than 340,000 people published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that overall feelings of wellbeing improve as we pass middle age. Specifically, levels of stress, worry and anger all dropped significantly for people in their fifties, while levels of happiness and enjoyment increased. While the study wasn’t designed to identify the causes of increased happiness, scholars speculated that with age comes greater wisdom and emotional intelligence. A similar study carried out in Canada also found that self-esteem is highest among middle-aged boomers. The corollary of all this research? We can probably expect to see fewer mid-life crises.
4. Even divorce can be positive. As the endless analyses of Al and Tipper Gore’s break up tell us, late divorce (i.e. divorce in marriages 20 years or longer) is increasingly common. But it’s also not necessarily a bad thing. A large number of articles that followed on the Gores’ split emphasized late divorce as a form of autonomy and self-actualization – especially for women – rather than just sticking it out for longevity’s sake. For me, at least, that was the first time I’d seen divorce as a cultural trend discussed in positive terms.
5. The AARP has had a makeover. Yup, that’s right folks. The American Association for Retired Persons (that’s AARP for all those in the know) has had an on-line overhaul in order to cater to the digital demands of the over-50 crowd. So for all you aging Facebook-ers out there, you have a new on-line hang out.
Image: AARP by Somewhat Frank via Flickr under a Creative Commons license.
5 Comments | Aging Ungracefully, Health and Beauty, Lifestyle, Relationships, Tips List, Trends/Studies/Research, Work | Tagged: AARP, AARP makeover, AARP online, aging Facebook demographic, al and tipper gore, average lifespan rises, brain evolution, definition of middle age, divorce and autonomy, divorce and self-actualization, Gore breakup, happiness, happiness and middle age, happiness peaks at 50, inductive reasoning, labor market for older people, late divorce, longevity trends, mid-life crises, mid-life crisis, middle age, middle age and Facebook, middle aged brain, middle-aged boomers, more jobs for older people, new old age, optimism about middle age, people living longer, positive views of divorce, problem solving, self-esteem and middle age, thinking in middle age, trends in divorce, women and late divorce | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
May 26, 2010
Every Wednesday I offer tips for adulthood.
Here’s a suggestion for what you ought to do over the upcoming Memorial Day (U.S.)/Bank holiday weekend (U.K.): rent a little movie that came out last year called Fish Tank.
It’s often billed as the U.K.’s answer to Precious. Which is to say that both films treat the subject of poverty, sexuality, dysfunctional families and abuse within an urban setting. But the American film has more of an uplifting, Oprah-esque touch while the British film is raw and bleak. (A bit like the difference between the American and British versions of the television show, The Office.)
I haven’t seen Precious yet, so I can’t speak to the comparison. But I can say that as someone who likes her films sunny side down, Fish Tank really spoke to me and has stayed with me long after I finished watching it.
And I think – like Up In The Air, but for entirely different reasons – it’s also a film about adulthood. Here’s why:
1. It’s about toughness and vulnerability. Once you set eyes on the film’s protagonist – Mia- a scrappy 15-year-old whose life is upended when her mother’s new boyfriend moves in, you won’t take your eyes off of her. Part of this is the fresh, compelling performance by the young actress, Katie Jarvis. But what makes Mia so appealing is that she is in equal measure both tough (she punches a few faces along the way) and vulnerable. (Beneath the toughness we see how painful she finds her social isolation, her verbally abusive mother, and her sexual longing for someone out of her reach.) And that’s what growing up is all about, isn’t it? Learning how to live with disappointment and fear, but also how to protect ourselves from getting hurt.
2. You fall in love with the wrong people. Love Stinks, as the immortal J. Geils Band once told us. And it’s true. At some point in your life – and possible more than once – you inevitably fall in love with the wrong person. They’re too old. They’re too young. They’re married. They’re gay. They’re straight. They live in Timbuktu. It doesn’t matter why. It just can’t work out. And when Mia looks at her lover who can’t remain her lover for all sorts of reasons, your heart will sink along with hers in recognition of this fundamental truth.
3. Alcohol heals and damages. When you’re young, it’s liberating to finally sneak that first sip of alcohol. And let’s face it, as you get older, it’s fun to get drunk once in a while. And sometimes – when you’ve been dumped or fired or just had a really bad day – a drink can really help. But when Mia’s 9 or 10 year-old sister starts sipping from a beer can – and you’ve already seen what drinking has done to Mia and especially her mother – you recoil from the image. And you just want to rip the beer can out of her hand. It’s such a fine line, drinking. It’s fun and yet it can so easily get the best of us. But it takes awhile to figure that out. Ditto sex. But I won’t spoil the movie.
4. Social Class matters. As I wrote in an earlier post about why The Elegance of the Hedgehog is for grown ups - social class is one of those concepts that you can only appreciate once you’re grown up. The idea that where you start often determines where you end up. The idea that if you have no role models they are difficult to invent. The fact that societies don’t often know what to do with the so-called “underclass” – even when it lives right down the road. All of these themes are explored in this film.
5. Having a passion helps. If there’s an uplifting note in this movie, it is Mia’s love of dance. Even though she usually dances alone – in an abandoned council flat (public housing apartment) while drinking beer – dancing brings her joy and may well be her emancipation if she can just figure out what to do with it. It is even one way she manages to connect with her mother. I’ve written before about how important it is to start with what you like and what you’re good at if you want to make a meaningful change in your life. You don’t have to be Baryshnikov. You just need to be passionate about something. Anything. And start there.
Image: Tiny Dancer by Tiziano Caviglia via Flickr under a Creative Commons License.
1 Comment | Aging Ungracefully, Career Advice, Movies, Tips List | Tagged: Indie films, The Office, alcoholism, personality test, Up In The Air, The Elegance of The Hedgehog, Social Class, Movies about Adulthood, drinking to excess, Fish Tank, Precious, Katie Jarvis, toughness and vulnerability, falling in love, falling in love with the wrong person, Love Stinks, J.Geils Band, teen drinking, the unerclass, having a passion, finding your passion, dancing, Baryshnikov | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
April 28, 2010
Every Wednesday I offer tips for adulthood.
We’re moving in exactly one week. And so I’m pretty single-minded right now. When I’m not actually doing something connected to the move, I’m thinking about the move.
I’ve fessed up before to just how very much I hate moving. (Some would say irrationally so. I name no names.) But I’m also trying to take my own advice from last week’s volcanic ash crisis and remind myself that “Ce n’est pas gràve.”
And it really isn’t all that “gràve.” In fact, there are a lot of positives that emerge when you move house and they aren’t just the simple pleasures of decluttering.
In that spirit, here are five ways to stay upbeat during a move:
1. Reconnect with your kids’ childhood. One of Gretchen Rubin’s four splendid truths is that “The days are long but the years are short.” She employs this principle to capture what it’s like to be a parent: how those long, seemingly endless days of reading Good Night, Moon and potty-training dissolve – overnight – into adolescence. Her point is that you really need to savor your kids’ childhood while it lasts because while it may feel long in the day to day, it’s actually fleeting. (I had this same realization last year while re-reading Peter Pan with my daughter.)
Moving helps you to savor their childhood. Because of the many things you unearth as you re-open those frightening storage containers that you hid in the depths of your closet when you first moved in are the myriad art projects, report cards, essays and birthday cards that your kids have done over the years. My own favorite was a picture that my son drew when his (quite progressive) nursery school did a unit on Martin Luther King. I’d forgotten all about this picture, which used to hang above the desk in my old office. It depicts a sort of Monsters, Inc.-style version of MLK addressing an audience with a disproportionately large microphone while saying “I hope that one day Black people and White people can be friends.” Priceless.
2. Reconnect with your own past. You may not have any kids. But you’ll still be forced to take a trip down memory lane as you yank stuff out of those dusty old cupboards. I found a pair of my father’s orthopedic shoes. He left them here on his last visit to London in October of 2008. We saved them so that we could give them back to him on his next visit. But he never came back. He died, suddenly, of a heart attack in March, 2009. Back when he was alive, I hated those shoes. They were large and clunky and a visible reminder that the body of a man who used to take jump shots in our driveway well into his 50s was slowly giving out on him. (It ended up giving out on him much more quickly than we expected.) But seeing those shoes again actually made me happy. They were a tangible reminder of his presence in our lives. And I needed that.
3. Allow yourself to let go of the *shoulds*. I’ve written before about how many of us go through life tethered to an endless list of things that we feel we ought to be doing, yet never quite manage to accomplish: making photo albums, reading the Bible, joining a gym. During the course of going through my files the other day, I came across some notes from a Hebrew class that I took while pregnant with my son and which I’ve schlepped around with me for (gulp) ten years. The thought was that some day I’d get my act together and really learn Hebrew. Well folks, I still haven’t let go of the goal of figuring out my relationship to Judaism. But I think that I’ve finally acknowledged to myself that despite my best intentions, that process will not entail learning Hebrew (a least for the foreseeable future.) Toss. Ditto my hopes of ever actually using that over-sized fish poacher that we got for our wedding. After twelve years doing noble service as a de facto spice rack, I think it’s finally time for me to dispatch that particular item from our lives. Phew.
4. Imagine new vistas literally and figuratively. One of the most exciting things about moving is that it offers the prospect of a whole new neighborhood to discover. There will be new cafés, new book stores, new dry cleaners – not to mention new neighbors! I love change so imagining these things is always a way to motivate myself when I just don’t feel like calling the Gas company to request new service or whatever arduous task lies at hand. It’s a bit like singing My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music, if you’ll forgive the cheesy Musical analogy. And change in one’s physical scenery can also furnish a new take on life psychologically. Out with the old and in with the new, and all that good stuff. I really believe that.
5. Trust that things will be better once you make it to the other side. Like childbirth, if you really remembered all the gory details, you’d never move more than once in your life. And yet, most of us do it several times. So, yes, moving is painful but it also does come to an end. And when the clouds part, there’s a whole new world to explore.
*****
For those of you who’d like to hear my latest thoughts on this unbelievably exciting British election, please head on over to PoliticsDaily.com.
Image: Statue of Dr. Martin Luther King by zug55 via Flickr under a Creative Commons license.
4 Comments | Aging Ungracefully, Gadgets, Lifestyle, Nostalgia, Parenting, Self-development, Tips List | Tagged: British elections, childbirth, Childhood, children's art projects, connecting with your kids, connecting with your past, days are long years are short, de-cluttering, death of a parent, discovering new neighborhoods, father's death, fish poacher, fleeting nature of childhood, goodnight moon, Gretchen Rubin, imagining new vistas, joys of de-cluttering, Learning Hebrew, learning to speak Hebrew, letting go, letting go of "shoulds", Martin Luther King, meeting new neighbors, MLK, Monsters Inc, moving, my favorite things, orthopedic shoes, pain of childbirth, potty training, re-reading peter pan, relationship to Judaism, remembering your kid's childhood, sound of music, trip down memory lane | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
April 6, 2010
1 Comment | Aging Ungracefully, Current Events, Health and Beauty, Lifestyle, Trends/Studies/Research | Tagged: alcohol, alcohol tax, alcoholism, binge drinking, british drinking habits, British elections, british politics, drinking, drinking in middle age, drinking to excess, hung parliament, middle age, middle aged women, women, women drinking too much | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
January 20, 2010
Every Wednesday I offer tips for adulthood.
My husband and I went to see Up In The Air last weekend, which has just been released in the U.K. We really liked it (even if one of us didn’t think Vera Farmiga was all that hot…ahem.) And yet, when we came home and talked about the film with our 17 year-old sitter, I didn’t advise her to go see it. In fact, I’m not sure I’d advise anyone under the age of 30 to see this movie.
Why is this, you ask? It’s not the sex (of which there’s none, and only one shot of nudity) or the violence (ditto). It’s just that for my mind, this is a really grown-up movie that can’t be well appreciated by someone who’s not…well…middle-aged.
So despite the PG-15 rating, here are five reasons why I think this is a movie for grown-ups (Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t yet seen the movie yet, this post contains some revealing information!):
1. It’s about the economy. As my former colleague Michelle Brafman notes, this is a movie where the recession plays a starring role. It’s a movie about downsizing, lay-offs and the way in which technological advances affect office life. I’m not saying that someone in their 20s can’t appreciate those things, but they won’t have quite the bite that they do for people who’ve lived through a few economic booms and busts. Evidence in support of this theory: the most moving parts of the film are all shots of real-life middle-aged or older people whose entire lives have been turned upside down by getting fired.
2. It’s about feminism. This is also a movie about feminism – as I define it – by which I mean women making independent – and sometimes shocking – choices about their lives. In this case, that amounts to having an affair (not so shocking) and not wanting to ditch everything for your apparent soul-mate, even if he’s George Clooney (a bit more shocking). There’s a point in the film where the 20-something, tightly wound, overly professional and overly idealistic colleague of the Clooney character thanks Farmiga’s character for “all her generation has done for feminism.” We’re meant to laugh, because there’s only about 10 years between them. But later on in the film – when Farmiga tells Clooney that she’s a grown-up and that he should call her when he’s ready to play with the big kids (i.e. to accept a sexual friendship with no strings attached) - we understand that the last laugh’s on us. This lady *is* liberated.
3. It’s about commitment. As many people have already observed, this is also a film about loyalty and commitment. In my own view – and as I’ve written in this space many times before – it’s incredibly hard to stay committed to the same person over the long haul. And that’s just not something young people worry about. They’re off experimenting and having fun and aren’t terribly bothered by what’s coming next or how long anything lasts. And that’s just as it should be.
4. The romantic leads are middle-aged. At one point in the movie, the script (foolishly, IMHO) suggests that Farmiga’s character is 34. She looks more like 38 or 40 but whatever. The point is that while she’s no Meryl Streep in It’s Complicated – (and despite what my husband thinks, Vera Farmiga *is* hot) – nor is she the young, naïve 23 year-old who also co-stars in this film. At one point, I thought they’d write the ending so that Clooney ends up with the younger woman. Thank goodness they didn’t. The whole point of this film is that it’s about what it’s like to fall in love – or “in like” as the case may be – when you’ve already been around the block a few times.
5. It doesn’t have a happy ending. I’ll fess up to having a preference for dark movies and sad endings. This film has neither. But – other than for the 23 year old – nor do things end on a particularly tidy note. Which is – dare I say it – a tad more realistic. And also comforting for those of us who’ve also been around the block.
*****
For those who are interested, please do have a look at my post in PoliticsDaily.com yesterday on whether universities breed terror.
6 Comments | Aging Ungracefully, Movies, Tips List | Tagged: commitment, dark movies, Feminism, George Clooney, grown ups, loyalty, marriage, Michelle Brafman, middle aged romance, middle aged stars, movies for grown ups, recession movie, romantic leads, sad endings, terrorism, universities, Up In The Air, vera farmiga | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
January 11, 2010
I got a one-line email from a friend the other day. It read: “We’ve found our forever house!” Attached was a photo of a large, stately English country home, with columned entrance and a wrap-around drive.
I was really happy for her. I knew that this was exactly what she wanted. She recently left London with her husband and three children in search of more space, better schools and a better quality of life.
But a tiny voice inside my head asked: “Where’s *my* forever house?”
The truth is, I don’t have one and I’m not sure that I ever will. Unlike most people, for whom home ownership remains a universal aspiration, I’ve never really fantasized about having a dream house.
A lot of that has to do with my own (admittedly odd) psyche. I’ve written before about how I find safety in movement. This means that I actually feel more secure when I know that change is on the horizon, or at least potentially so. It explains why I like to change careers and why I like to change continents (though fortunately – so far, at least – *not* why I like to change husbands.) So committing to anything beyond my family – and especially a place – makes me feel…anxious.
In the extreme, of course, this kind of rootlessness can induce a certain anomie and soullessness. Mike T has a thoughtful review of the new George Clooney movie – Up In The Air – over on his blog A Boat Against The Current. Mike points out that when such mobility becomes a national past time, you get a country full of people who are loyal to plastic (in the form of frequent flyer miles) rather than blood or community.
Quite possibly. In my own case, however, I prefer to think that I just have a different definition of home than most people do. It’s one that – as Kristen put it so nicely on Motherese awhile back – is rooted more in a state of being than in a place on the map.
Or maybe I just haven’t grown up yet…Gosh, let’s hope not. What on Earth would I blog about?
Follow Delia on Twitter.
Image: Evanston Art Center by beautifulcataya via Flickr under a Creative Commons license.
7 Comments | Aging Ungracefully, Consumerism, Lifestyle, Movies | Tagged: a boat against the current, anomie, change, dream house, English country home, forever house, George Clooney, growing up, home, home ownership, loyalty, Mike T, motherese, movement, rootlessness, safety in movement, Up In The Air | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
November 23, 2009
I figured out something important about myself over the weekend. Or, more accurately, I figured it out again: I’m not a camper.
This realization came to me whilst attending a sleepover at the British Museum on Saturday night with my 8 year-old son. He’s a “young friend” at the museum and as with all things, membership has its privileges. In this case, he was invited to attend an evening of workshops surrounding the current Montezuma exhibit, followed by a sleep-over and early morning access to the exhibit.
What’s not to love, right?
Well, a lot, actually. At least if you’re me.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m in awe of the quantity and quality of things that British museums – especially this one – do in the way of inspiring and educating children about art and history. It’s one of the things I love most about living over here. By way of example, in a mere four hours on Saturday night we decoded Mayan glyphs, made a Mexican headdress, chanted to some Aztec Gods and listened to a Day of the Dead Story teller. In short: brilliant.
But then there was the actual sleepover. And here I was less charmed. As I lay there around 2 a.m., wide awake on a cold, stone floor amid the Assyrian statuary…in a sleeping bag (graciously loaned by a neighbor)…with my 8 year-old son lying next to me, grinding his teeth…in a room full of snoring strangers….under the watchful eye of “A Winged Bull For Sennacherib’s Palace” I thought: Right. This is why I hated camping all those years.
I know. I know. It’s not real wilderness-style camping. But it bears enough similarity to warrant the comparison. To wit:
*relative deprivation from creature comforts (e.g. bed, heating–those statues are cold!, shower, normal food)
*living in groups and listening to/participating in other people’s personal rituals (e.g. sleep, eating, teeth-brushing)
*that curious modern creation that is the sleeping bag
It probably would have helped if I’d had an air mattress instead of the yoga mat I brought to add an extra layer of comfort. (Not.)
It probably also would have helped if I were ten years younger and didn’t yet know the aches and pains of that pesky piriformis muscle that’s been acting up so much lately.
And – to be honest – it probably also would have helped if I were just a different person. I don’t know. Someone who really excelled at Girl Scouts, perhaps. Or didn’t find it really strange to brush my teeth in front of 20 other people.
But I’m not. And much as I love my son, I don’t think I’ll be repeating that exercise anytime soon.
But I’m happy to have learned all of this – again – about myself. Because at the end of the day, adulthood is about realizing who you are and what you enjoy in life.
I had the exact same realization the other day when looking at a friend’s vacation pictures on her computer. As I watched slide show after slide show of her recent family holidays, I realized that in every single one, she and her husband were engaged in some sort of “extreme sport” – whether it was kayaking or mountain climbing or windsurfing.
Whereas when my husband and I take a holiday,we tend to go to a lot of museums (in the daytime!), frequent cafés and catch up on The New Yorker.
Which is, I suppose, a long way of saying “to each his (or her) own.”
It’s also a long way of saying that the next time I spend a Night at The Museum, it will be on film.
Image: Night at the Museum by Frangipani via Flickr under a Creative Commons License.
10 Comments | Aging Ungracefully, Expat Living, Lifestyle, Parenting | Tagged: piriformis syndrome, night at the museum, museum sleepovers, sleepovers, Montezuma, British Museum, Young Friends Program, aztec chants, mayan glyphs, extreme sports, vacations, holidays, girl scouts, air mattress, camping, assyrian statuary, Sennacherib's Palace, Aztec Gods, mexican headdress, Day of the Dead | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
November 16, 2009
Hi, there.
Yes, it’s me. I’m back from my self-imposed vacation. Not nearly as relaxing as I hoped. But yes, I did the deed (and have a killer tan to show for it!) Just kidding.
I’ll be posting on Wednesday about what I learned while I was away. But today, I’d like to turn my attention to an entirely different matter: alumni magazines and why we read them.
You see, while I was “on vacation,” I went to yoga one day. And because I arrived early, I began reading a magazine, as I often do. But I got so engrossed in what I was reading that the instructor actually had to “instruct” me to put the magazine down. (Yeah, I’m also the sort who fails to notice all the “silent zone” signs posted around the building. The first time I ever did yoga I walked blithely into class blathering away into my cellphone…what can I say? I’m a yoga convert, not a natural.)
As it happens, I was reading my college alumni magazine, the Brown Alumni Monthly. There was this fascinating story about a woman named Wendy Walker who ran away from home the summer before college because she’d had a falling out with her parents over getting engaged to her high school sweetheart. The story was all about how she very nearly never made it to Brown. And I got so caught up in trying to imagine not having gone to college at 17 in order to get married, that I failed to notice the hush that had settled in over the yoga studio as people quietly assumed their lotus positions.
Then, after class, a complete stranger walked up to me and said: “Are you reading your alumni magazine?”
“Yes.”
“I hate those things,” she said.
“Why?” I asked, intrigued by her over-share. (As an American, I frequently strike up conversations with complete strangers in London, but rarely find the favor returned.)
“I think they’re so phony. You read them and everyone sounds so great, but then you talk to your friends from college and everyone’s depressed and miserable.”
“They are?” I thought, but kept it to myself.
But her comment got me thinking. Why *do* some people love reading alumni magazines and others hate it?
I read them for stories like the one I just mentioned, because I find it exciting to live vicariously through other people’s lives. (Needless to say, they also motivate me to try on alternate careers…i.e., what would it have been like if I’d moved to LA to become a television writer?)
But I could easily imagine reading them to derive a sense of shadenfreude (e.g., “Ha! I knew he was a loser!”) or to satisfy an erstwhile curiosity (“Wow! Did that couple who hooked up on Hawaiian night really end up getting married?”)
Or perhaps it has something to do with school spirit. I remember back in High School we were asked to design a poll about our school, and a classmate of mine asked the question “Would you attend a reunion in 10 years?” as a way to measure “school spirit.” So perhaps avid reading of alumni magazines is yet another indicator of high school spirit. (Yeah, I know. I went to Brown. Everyone has a lot of school spirit there…)
But the truth is, in my case at least, I love reading alumni magazines even for schools I didn’t attend. I used to teach at the University of Chicago and so I still get their alumni magazine. And even though – true to that school’s spirit – the magazine reads more like The Economist than your average alumni magazine, I still pore over it every month.
So today I’m trying to figure out what committed reading of alumni magazines is a sign of: Middle-age? Nostalgia? Displaced cheerleader syndrome?
And I’d be curious to know: Do you read your alumni magazine and, if so, does it fill you with fascination…disappointment…or dread?
*****
For those who are interested, here’s my piece in PoliticsDaily on the latest round of immigration reform in the UK.
Image: Fall 2008 Catalogue by Lower Columbia College via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
12 Comments | Aging Ungracefully, Current Events, Lifestyle | Tagged: alumni magazines, british immigration rules, brown alumni monthly, brown university, immigration reform, lotus position, Nostalgia, running away, school reunions, school spirit, the university of chicago, the university of chicago magazine, wendy walker, yoga | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
November 5, 2009
3 Comments | Aging Ungracefully, Current Events | Tagged: assisted suicide, baby rb, breathing tube, death tourism, dignitas, dignity in death laws, european laws on assisted suicide, montana supreme court, right to die, sir edward downs, voluntary euthanasia | Permalink
Posted by delialloyd
A new study in Britain has found that middle-aged women are drinking more than they did in their teens. As alcohol takes a rising toll on both health and health care in the United Kingdom, the British government struggles with what — if anything — it should do about this problem.
Like abortion, the decision to end one’s life – or to help someone else do so – naturally brings up questions of ethics, religion, privacy and choice. It’s a complicated question and there are lots of 
