Tag Archives: Modern Love

Friday Pix: Recommended Reading For The Weekend

On occasional Fridays, I direct you to some recommended reading around the blogosphere:

1. I thought I’d lead off with June Thomas’ beautiful explanation for why, despite being a lesbian in a long-term, committed relationship, she doesn’t want to get married.

2. On the 200th anniversary of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, The Guardian had prominent writers weigh in on the psychology of some of the book’s main characters. I like to think of this post as more aptly sub-titled “Deconstructing Darcy.”

3. And speaking of writing, wise words from Jane Friedman on how long you should keep trying to get published.

4. This Modern Love essay by Julie Goldberg on a love affair that didn’t quite work out really spoke to me.

5. It’s hard to describe how much I loved 20 obsolete English words that should make a comeback. Don’t jargogle it! (Hat tip: Lisa Romeo Writes)

6. Slate just re-published this hilarious essay by John Swansburg on why he hates (adult) birthday parties. And how, John…

7. Finally, over on Londontopia, some gorgeous pictures of London at Night in the 1930’s.

Friday Pix: Recommended Reading For The Weekend

This Friday I point you to some recommended reading around the blogosphere:

1. There’s another great essay over at the New York Times Modern Love column, this time by Stacy Morrison. It’s about a divorced couple who still spends a lot of time together.

2. And speaking of marriage, Book Snob (aka Katy Keim) tells us what her nightstand says about her marriage.

3. And speaking of book snobs, test out your knowledge of book review clichés with Michelle Kerns over on The Examiner. (Hat Tip: Salon’s Laura Miller.)

4. You’ll also want to check out the inside of some of David Foster Wallace’s books, on display at The University of Texas Harry Ransom Center. (Hat Tip: Kristin Bair O’Keeffe.) Wow!

5. I was intrigued by this article in the Boston Globe by Laurel Snyder about fairy tales and American childhood. (Hat Tip: @lizzieskurnick.)

6. Finally, my new favorite writers’ website: Beyond The Margins. Check it out!

Oh yes. And please do follow me on Twitter!

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Friday Pix: Recommended Reading For The Weekend

This Friday I point you to some recommended reading around the blogosphere:

1. I love the concept (and stamina!) behind the Read All Day blog, where one woman reads a book a day for an entire year and writes about it. Wow! (Hat Tip: Lisa Romeo Writes.)

2. My cousin sent me this link to Will Pearson’s stunning photographs of London. While you’re there, have a look at this piece in The Guardian by Will Self on why British children’s author Roald Dahl – of Fantastic Mr. Fox fame –  is so very, very good.

3. If you’ve ever lost a child, or know someone who has, this Modern Love essay from the New York Times is terrifically hopeful and sad.

4. I’m a huge Lionel Shriver fan (If you haven’t read We Need To Talk About Kevin, we need to talk…) Here are her thoughts on why it can be so tricky to write about your family…even in fiction.

5. I have nothing more to say about the following clip on You Tube other than if you can still remember back when we all used rotary phones, you need to see this. (Hat tip: Formerly Hot.)

6. Finally, my thoughts in PoliticsDaily.com on why the EU may be falling apart…and whether America cares.

Enjoy your weekend!

Oh yes, and please do follow me on Twitter.

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Friday Pix: Recommended Reading For The Weekend

This Friday I direct you to some recommended reading around the blogosphere:

1. I got a huge kick out of this Q and A with an economist at the Financial Times – Tim Harford – weighing in on topics like why people aren’t having more sex. Check it out! And while you’re at it, check out Joshua Gans’ (another economist!) blog about parenting, Game Theorist: Blog. Fun stuff!

2. As a writer, I love stories of perseverance and second acts. Here’s a compelling story about novelist Erica Eisdorfer finally getting noticed when she joins a novel competition and (nearly) wins. (Hat Tip: Practicing Writing.) And here’s another one about essayist Kerry Herlihy who landed a big scoop in last week’s NYT Modern Love column, where she wrote about her birth mother. (Hat Tip: Lisa Romeo Writes). Bravo, ladies!

3. If you want to catch up on British politics, here are my contributions to PoliticsDaily.com this week on torture, health care and…health care again! The Brits are really P.O.’d that the Americans are slamming the NHS in their health care debates and have begun to fight back…do have a look!

4. Finally, and just for fun, here’s the Guardian’s slide show of art hotels from around the world. Kinda makes you want to take a holiday…

*****

I’m on Twitter!

Friday Pix: Recommended Reading for the Weekend

This Friday I point you to some recommended reading around the blogosphere:

1. If you’re intrigued by the public sculpture “plinth” project currently underway in London, here are some really cool videos to go with it.

2. I liked this person’s pro-active approach to setting up a summer reading program for grown-ups. If you’re running out of summer reading ideas, why not try some of these lost or unpublished works by some of the great names of modern literature.

3. And while we’re on the subject of modern literature, I was delighted to come across this blog at the National Book Foundation, which features a blog a day on the winners of the National Book Award from 1950-2008. (Hat Tip: the ever-useful Practicing Writing blog).

4. Finally, if you’re a fan of the New York Times’ Modern Love column, you’ll love this new (to me) blog deconstructing each week’s winners (Hat Tip: Lisa Romeo Writes).

*****

I’m on twitter! So if you tweet and would like even more daily updates on what I’m reading and generally up to, please follow me @realdelia.

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Middle Marriage: What's Your Ziplock Conflict?

“I wish someone would write a novel about middle marriage,” a friend of mine bemoaned recently.

I knew what she meant: a novel that would address that particular stage of life when you’ve been married for a while and the kids are  no longer babies and maybe you’ve had a career change or a move or two, etc.

And so when I read this article in the New York Times Modern Love column a few weeks back, I thought: Eureka! I’ve found it! Not a novel, but an essay that speaks perfectly to this phase of married life.

If you haven’t already read the article, I won’t spoil it for you. Suffice to say that it’s about a couple that’s been married for quite some time and then, one day – in an airport security line – the wife totally loses it over (ostensibly) a ziplock bag.

I think we all have our version of the “ziplock bag” conflict with our significant others. As my cousin (who first sent me this piece) put it: “The writer is describing a basic and (Western) universal marriage reaction.”

In my own case, while not exactly ziplock material, all of my fights with my husband boil down to some version of: I go too fast, he goes too slow. Everything. From how we load dishes into the dishwasher…to the various career choices we’ve made…to the very act of walking down the street. We probably have 742 versions of this conflict, but they all reduce to this.

And that’s why I loved this essay. Because it acknowledges what most people aren’t willing to say about “middle marriage”:  how very hard it is to stay committed to the same person over the long haul (which is probably why half of all marriages end in divorce, at least in America). It’s really hard work.

And even when you do stay married, the recidivism rate is still high (as the author, Jane Hamilton, puts it so nicely). By which she means that even when you’re aware of the inappropriate reactions you have to the things in your spouse/partner/whatever which drive you nuts (pickle picker, anyone?), you invariably fall back into those inappropriate reactions before too long.

Which is why – like Jane Hamilton – one of the things that keeps my own marriage going is a sense of humor.

In our case, when things get rough (and when I decide not to throw something against a wall or curse very loudly), we play a version of  “Anything else?”

We learned about this game from some friends of ours who did a pre-Cana course with the Catholic Church before getting married. The priest sat them down and had them both list all the things that drove them crazy about each other. After hearing each item, the other partner was only allowed to respond: “Is there anything else?” The idea was to teach them how to both express – and tolerate – each other’s foibles.

Sometimes, when my husband and I start bickering, one of us will look at the other person and ask: “Is there anything else?”

To which, invariably, the answer is something along the lines of:  “Well, since you asked, actually there is…”

It’s a great ice breaker. Try it sometime.

Oh. I forgot to ask: Is there anything else?

*****

One of my favorite tongue-in-cheek blogs is Stuff White People Like. Laugh-out-loud funny and so on point.

Image: Garlicky Dill Pickles by Kern.Justin via Flickr under a Creative Commons license.

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