Hitting Pause on This Blog

I’m hitting pause on this blog. When I first started writing this post, I was determined to end the blog entirely. I even wrote an entire post explaining why, after 15 years, I needed to stop writing RealDelia. But I couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger. So I didn’t.

Instead, I went back to a post I wrote years ago. The post invoked the butterfly’s crysalis as a metaphor for turning inward. That year, I did so to figure out the next iteration of my professional life. I managed to pull that off, and I’m pleased to say that my business is thriving.

Now I need to do the same thing, but in the creative part of my life. I’m still hard at work on my memoir, which is inching along, slowly but surely. I also know that I’d like to stay engaged with the public, whether it’s through this blog or some new outlet I’ve yet to cook up. In order to even think about that, however, I need to slow down and go back into my crysalis for a while.

I will be back with news…when I’m ready. In the meantime, I will still run my monthly newsletter, Good Reads for Grownups (subscribe here). And please enjoy this blog entry:

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I got an email not long ago from a reader of this blog. She shared a poem that she’d seen posted elsewhere on the internet which used the metaphor of the butterfly’s chrysalis to understand those periods when we need to go inside ourselves in order to grow.

The word chrysalis has two meanings in British English. The first one is “the hard-shelled pupa of a moth or butterfly”—the one it adopts just before morphing into the adult phase of its life cycle. A second definition is “anything in the process of developing.”

I knew precisely why she’d sent it to me. I’ve been in a crysalis-like state since late July when I was laid off from my previous job.

What do I mean by this?

Checking Out with Others To Check In With Yourself

First, that I’ve been avoiding people, for the most part. That’s the pupa part of what I’m doing . I’ve formed a hardened shell around my exterior in order to protect myself from outside forces until I’m ready to emerge, fully formed. (And yes, you may thank me for this brisk walk through your sixth grade biology class.)

That’s because I’ve been trying to decide what my next professional move is, and that requires a great deal of reflection.

While it is both helpful and essential to talk to other people when you’re trying to make a major career shift, one thing I’ve learned over the years is not to talk to them too early on, before your own vision has taken shape. Otherwise, you’ll find that they get you thinking about how and where, rather than why. And the why is terribly important.

In short,  in order to properly check in with yourself —whether that means taking an inventory of your interests, figuring out how your assorted, transferrable skills can serve your ambitions, and/or what your “elevator pitch” is going to be— you need to check out with others.

Constructing a New Narrative

But I am also in a stage of growth, which is the second definition of chrysalis. I’ve been keeping a journal and writing a book. I’m experimenting with my own creativity.  Very quietly, I’ve taken up a post as a visiting research fellow at a local university. I’m even taking an improvisation class!

I’ve also been spending a lot more time at home doing things I like. This list includes, inter alia,  cooking, watching the 1981 television mini-series of Brideshead Revisited (for the 3rd time), and reading assorted books by John Le Carré.  All the while, I nurse the occasional low-alcohol pale ale.

All of these disparate activities are about helping me to construct a new narrative for myself. It’s one that feels more authentic and true to who I am for whatever comes next.

Busy: Back Soon

Someday soon, I am hoping that—like the butterfly—I will shed my protective layer and fly. But that process is never overnight.

It reminds me of the time in one of the Winnie-the-Pooh stories when Christopher Robin hangs a note on his door that reads “Gone Out. Backson. Bizy.”

Yes, I have been busy, but I will be back soon.

Image: Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash